This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
