if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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