Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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