I wish I could teleport
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
