hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
