I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
