We named our party play list daddy issues
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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