4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
