the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
