We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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