I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Success! We fucked roommates!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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