Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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