My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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