oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
