I can tuck mytits in my pants
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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