Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
