she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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