i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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