You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
