is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
