real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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