i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
