His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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