when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
