I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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