thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
