Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
