I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
