would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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