he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
