I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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