I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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