well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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