And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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