In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How external is "for external use only"?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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