Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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