is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
