When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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