I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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