Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Never joke about your clitoris.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
