I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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