I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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