The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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