He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
