The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish i was in the wii world.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
