There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
