Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
