So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
