So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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