So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
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