your parents love me but you hate me
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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