Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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